Why does one's relationship status have anything to do with someone's self worth? It seems we "American society" place a lot of value on people getting married and having kids, but if someone decides not to do that is that any less valid of a life choice?
I find when I look to outside things to make me happy, like spending time with someone, the more unhappy I tend to be. When I look to myself and concentrate on doing things I want to do and have people come if they can make it, I am much happier.
The reason I have relationship status and self worth as today's topic is because I have been affected by this in the past and I am currently seeing it affect someone I am close to. Years ago I was dating someone that on paper was perfect for me; he was educated, he drove a Honda, he had a great job, and he was a good person. We dated for a few years but it all came down to the fact that we had different basic values so it was impossible for us to be happy together. HOWEVER, we kept trying to make it!
The weird phenomenon I found as we dated and broke up was that as we were near the end of the relationship, I didn't even really like him boyfriend wise but I felt very powerful and secure in life because I was in a "relationship". I was only able to look at this objectively after we were broken up for like 6 months. We were dating, I was on top of the world, I felt happy...but I didn't really enjoy spending time with my boyfriend. I felt "good" about myself because I was in a relationship and therefore felt validated by society (or something like that).
Eventually we wised up, it didn't make sense for us to be together...we finally admitted we were better off apart. Thus begins the breakup phase emotionally. I knew I was better off without him, but I felt completely lost. Suddenly I was no longer in a relationship and I felt completely lost. Its like you just get used to people and situations and even if you are unhappy they are comfortable. But I had to just keep reminding myself that just because it is comfortable, doesn't mean it is right. I had to rely on my believe that I was better off by myself.
To be continued...off to the airport.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Panda Expressions
I feel the need to have clever titles for my posts, so since this post is about facial expressions and it occurred at Panda Express I have thus named it Panda Expressions! Oh so clever of me.
The other day I went to Panda Express for lunch, addicted to the orange chicken, and as I got in line I noticed a toddler with her mother in the corner. Just a quick glance, nothing really that remarkable. So, I went about getting my lunch and in my search for a seat I ended up at the table next to the woman and her little girl.
By this time it was the mother, father, and little girl...a cute young couple. As I was eating lunch the little girl kept looking at me, which of course I took as a compliment. I saw a study at some point that said that children tend to stare at pretty people :-) Wordlessly I was interacting with the child, a little peek-a-boo, making funny faces, etc. She was HILARIOUS! I had never seen such a young child with such a wide range of facial expressions and such character.
We continued "playing" throughout my meal and it got me thinking. This seemingly normal child was now adorable and hilarious to me, which made me think she was most likely going to be one of the popular kids when she went to school. With all that charm, who wouldn't want to be her friend and she is just like 1-2 years old. This got me thinking, I wonder if those "popular" kids all developed facial recognition earlier then maybe other kids.
Now, maybe you are thinking "how did you get from there to here" and I will tell you it is related to a conversation I had last week with a couple strangers. We were talking about Autism and Aspergers. I have an increasing fasination with Autism and Aspergers from the time I first saw Ally McBeal with the Aspergers character and now with Braverman family on Parenthood dealing with their son's syndrome. My understanding is that part of Aspergers is that they are unable to pick up on social cues from their peers, family members, etc which leads to social isolation of sorts. Which got me thinking there are varying degrees of each person's ability to pick up on social cues, read facial expressions, etc so I wonder if that is a key indicator in whether or not someone is seem as a "popular" or more likeable person in general as they move through life.
I just find it interesting and would love to know if anyone has done any research on this theory. If no, maybe I will just have to start my own research study!
The other day I went to Panda Express for lunch, addicted to the orange chicken, and as I got in line I noticed a toddler with her mother in the corner. Just a quick glance, nothing really that remarkable. So, I went about getting my lunch and in my search for a seat I ended up at the table next to the woman and her little girl.
By this time it was the mother, father, and little girl...a cute young couple. As I was eating lunch the little girl kept looking at me, which of course I took as a compliment. I saw a study at some point that said that children tend to stare at pretty people :-) Wordlessly I was interacting with the child, a little peek-a-boo, making funny faces, etc. She was HILARIOUS! I had never seen such a young child with such a wide range of facial expressions and such character.
We continued "playing" throughout my meal and it got me thinking. This seemingly normal child was now adorable and hilarious to me, which made me think she was most likely going to be one of the popular kids when she went to school. With all that charm, who wouldn't want to be her friend and she is just like 1-2 years old. This got me thinking, I wonder if those "popular" kids all developed facial recognition earlier then maybe other kids.
Now, maybe you are thinking "how did you get from there to here" and I will tell you it is related to a conversation I had last week with a couple strangers. We were talking about Autism and Aspergers. I have an increasing fasination with Autism and Aspergers from the time I first saw Ally McBeal with the Aspergers character and now with Braverman family on Parenthood dealing with their son's syndrome. My understanding is that part of Aspergers is that they are unable to pick up on social cues from their peers, family members, etc which leads to social isolation of sorts. Which got me thinking there are varying degrees of each person's ability to pick up on social cues, read facial expressions, etc so I wonder if that is a key indicator in whether or not someone is seem as a "popular" or more likeable person in general as they move through life.
I just find it interesting and would love to know if anyone has done any research on this theory. If no, maybe I will just have to start my own research study!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Introduction to this blog
Why am I starting this blog? I want to share my observations with the world and see if they agree with me or have other thoughts and insights to share. I would like to be semi-anonoymous because I feel I would edit myself if I thought people I know would be reading this and know it came from me.
I have always been atune to people around me. When I was younger I didn't talk much and I would just watch everyone around me. People say not to judge a book my its cover, which is probably true for most people but I have to say my first impressions of people are usually spot on. I try to give everyone a fair shake, but if I have an overall bad feeling about someone eventually I will find out why. They will do something that shows their true colors, who they really are and explains why I felt on guard around them.
As I have grown older I see how people interact with one another, I talk to people about their relationships, and I listen to what is happening in their lives and with their significant others. I have some theories I would like to share and bounce off you. Feel free to comment and challenge my thoughts. I enjoy lively discussions with mutual respect.
I have always been atune to people around me. When I was younger I didn't talk much and I would just watch everyone around me. People say not to judge a book my its cover, which is probably true for most people but I have to say my first impressions of people are usually spot on. I try to give everyone a fair shake, but if I have an overall bad feeling about someone eventually I will find out why. They will do something that shows their true colors, who they really are and explains why I felt on guard around them.
As I have grown older I see how people interact with one another, I talk to people about their relationships, and I listen to what is happening in their lives and with their significant others. I have some theories I would like to share and bounce off you. Feel free to comment and challenge my thoughts. I enjoy lively discussions with mutual respect.
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